Since the start of my submission to Violet, I’ve been wanting to wear a chastity device as part of our D/s. We discussed it in our contract, decided the sort of cage we wanted, and made the purchase; after a slight size mix-up, I was able to wear the cage for her for the first time this week.
The use of chastity as a short-term expression of control is important to both of us. While Violet doesn’t eroticise denial as such, we wanted the offering of my orgasm control to her to be a key feature of our D/s. I have written previously on a now-discontinued blog about my first experience of cage wearing, and so could approach it second time around with more knowledge and experience. But with also the realisation that the symbolism runs deeper than even I appreciated at the time.
I was thinking of how, although it is early days yet, I feel so much more enabled in this cage. Not wishing to overthink this, but I can’t help thinking of my cages as metaphors for my D/s experiences – not least because they are intimately connected with them.
My first cage was capricious, sharp in places, uncomfortable unless propped with supporting briefs and strategically placed padding to prevent ring pinching and the lock nipping the top of the cock, even when closed. It made wearing it an ordeal at times, like the relationship it was bought for. Looking back I wonder why I put up with it – I thought all cages were like that.
By comparison this cage is so smooth. It feels nicely weighty, fits well, no sharp surprises and no constant need to build Heath-Robinson contraptions to keep it all in place. I don’t feel impeded – none of that sharp intake of breath when I stand up, in case of a stabbing shot of pain. Just the warm weight of a beautiful burden between my legs that makes me think of her when I feel it and the importance of my submission.
Building on this, I realise what I am doing is recalibrating my submission, away from old terms and tropes, discovering a new way of talking about a new experience. The temptation would be to think of doing things like you used to, but the progress of our D/s has been about reclaiming it from those people in our past who might have tainted it or made us assume it had to be one particular imperfect way.
I reject that. This can be how we want it to be. I love our way of doing it because it is ours – we are making it anew how we want. We are taking back control.